#4 - In Which It's Nobody's Business but the Turks

Picking up from last time, Cloud falls like a sack of dead kittens from the upper plate of Midgar to the slums below. This is not going to end well. But of course, this was a scripted event. Cloud isn't going to die since he's the main protagonist, we're about an hour into the game (who'd have thunk it given I've managed four lengthy blog posts so far?) and his future story arc has already been established. So we're okay. There's no way he's going to end up in an unfortunate position. Cloud crashes through the roof of a church in the slums, which seems to be made of goose down quilting and candy floss given how well it breaks his fall. In fact, he smashes straight through it and lands unharmed on the flowerbed in the church's interior. He's a bit dazed - so much so a voice in his head briefly talks to him in a cryptic manner, which I'm sure won't come up again at any point - but otherwise not a scratch on him. Hey, that could have gone a lot more disastrous than it actua...

... OH NOT THIS CHICK AGAIN. Upon seeing Aeris, I immediately want to leave the church, climb back up to the top plate, jump off again and put more of a concerted effort into breaking my neck. Except I can't, because as mentioned, the game is largely scripted and committing suicide or knocking her out with the nearest rock I can find just ain't in the script. I'm going to have to put up with her nonsense instead. Of all the churches in all the slums in all the world, I have to land in hers. Another bizarre turn of events is that my Playstation emulator seems to pick up my disdain for this girl - the sound quality has been fine up until now, but all of a sudden it chooses to distort Aeris' Theme, the soundtrack in the background, to some kind of nightmarish soundscape which fills me with as much unease as Aeris does herself. Have a listen: [youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m05pripJoME&feature=youtu.be[/youtube]   She asks me if I remember her, to which I reply 'no'. Of course, we met briefly just after the first reactor explosion, but I don't want to give her the impression that she made any kind of impact on me whatsoever. At the time, I had just run away from an exploding nuclear reactor, caused around one billion Gil worth of damage to the city, killed an unknown amount of innocent people and escaped by jumping onto the roof of a speeding train. Her trying to sell me a flower was not something which I'd class as the stand-out point of the day. We go on to chat about materia. She mentions that only one she owns is a white materia handed down from her mother, but it's completely useless and doesn't do anything. A bit like its owne... nevermind.

Reno, a member of The Turks. Smart as a carrot. As she's waffling inanely, a dapper young chap in a suit enters the church flanked by three Shinra guards. He's part of a specialist group of hit men, the Turks, so the whole situation spells trouble. But it seems he's not after me - they're here to apprehend Aeris for reasons not yet apparent. Aeris asks Cloud if he'll act as her bodyguard and get her out of the church, and he agrees but state's it'll cost her. Aeris agrees to pay him by letting him take her out for a date. Erm... I think he was more after cash, but whatever. Being as much use as Anne Frank's drum kit, Aeris manages to fall off a ledge and right into the guards' hands on the way out. This allows her to show off her incredible fighting skills while I wait for her above, and let's just say that if I were down there helping her out, even if I was somehow limited to administering chinese burns on them I still would have killed the guards quicker than Aeris. Other than that, we get out fine and leap across the slum rooftops to safety (I leap, she timidly climbs up and down ledges on her butt.) It isn't revealed why the Turks are hunting Aeris - I guess that's nobody's business but the Turks, and perhaps Aeris' because I get the impression that she knows more than she's letting on at this stage. So let's just get sucked into her personal problems without knowing why for the time being.

Cloud: Why, yes! Funny you should ask. Yes, I was. As promised, I take Aeris back to her place but not before stopping off at the slums market to spend some of my hard earned ca... oh, I don't have any cash. At least I've got that date to look forward to! That's been worth the latest reactor mission and bodyguarding, right? I'm so... hungry. But being the lovely lad that I am, I spend the meagre reserves I do have on picking up some souvenirs for the guys when I finally get back. I start by purchasing some Titan Bangles to improve everyone's defence. I treat myself to one and buy another three, one for Tifa and one for Barrett. What's that? No, Aeris isn't getting the other one. I'm keeping the spare bangle just for looking at. I sell our old Iron Bangles and use the proceeds to buy a couple of Phoenix Downs which drains the last of my money, because I'm running low on these life-saving essentials and may need them in the near future to revive anyone other than Aeris. All spent up, I eventually find the unnecessarily hidden entrance to the next screen. I never fail to miss this - why can't the slums be more organised? It takes me to Aeris' house, or rather, her mother's since she's still living at home. Get a job, you hippy. Although compared to the Sector 5 slums, I'd probably be reluctant to move out of here too:

Aeris: 22, deeply religious, likes walks on beaches. Bloody loves daffodils. I brace myself before walking through the front door, then get distracted by something else  altogether. Is that a purple materia over on the right? Oooh, it is! Another 'All' materia would be nice. I've got one linked to my Restore materia, so it would be good to have one linked to something offensive like Fire or Bolt... but no such luck. It's a Cover materia, which basically makes whoever is carrying it randomly take damage for other party members. Lame. I quit stalling and head into the house for what must be one of the most awkward 'meeting the parents' incident in the history of the world: Elmyra, Aeris' mum, eyes me while she listens patiently to her 22 year old daughter who is saying something along the lines of "Hey mum I nearly got abducted again by the mafia today, but this stranger with the questionable haircut and the giant sword showed up and agreed to follow me home. Mum, meet Cloud!" I shuffle my feet and mutter something about how lovely the curtains are. Elmyra thanks me curtly for bringing her daughter back - pretty sure she hates me at this stage - and heads upstairs. Out of her earshot, Aeris asks me what I'm going to do now, to which I reply that I want to get back to Tifa's bar in the Sector 7 slums. Aeris' ears prick up at this... Tifa? Who's Tifa? Is she a girlfriend?

Damn right, that's right! Ain't nuthin' you can do about it, either! She acts all butthurt at this. Why? It's not like we've got any more than twenty lines of dialogue between us at this point, so why should she care if Tifa and I are madly in love? Aeris then insists on escorting Cloud back to Sector 7, and in response he expresses doubt at getting help from a girl... hah, Cloud getting sassy with Aeris even without my input. I like it. Elmyra starts to plead with Aeris not to leave, but gives up pretty quickly and as a compromise they agree nobody is going anywhere until the morning. She asks her daughter to go make the bed, so I'm left in the kitchen alone with Elmyra. Um... those really are nice curtains. Where did you get them from? They look almost... are these designer? Oh you want to talk about something important. Elmyra: That glow in your eyes... you're from SOLDIER, right? Cloud: Yeah. Rather, I used to be... Elmyra: I don't know how to say this, but... Would you please leave here? Tonight? Without telling Aeris. SOLDIER... the last thing Aeris needs is to get her feelings hurt again. Oh, wow! Elmyra doesn't hate me at all - she wants to get me as far away from Aeris as physically possible. We're on the same team!

I go straight to the spare bedroom, but accidentally fall asleep and I'm treated to a little dream sequence in which Cloud is visiting his own mother after years away from home.

Mom, you have no friggin' idea. When I finally awake in the middle of the night, I waste no time in trying to get out of the house. I have to creep across the creaky floorboards without stepping on the wrong planks in case I wake Aeris... the game gives you no indication as to which planks will make a racket, and there are many, but in my maddening desperation to get away from the house my brain somehow dredges up the precise steps I need to take and I make it out on the first try. My brain clearly stored this information from the last time I played the game, in a box marked 'Super Important Stuff to Remember', filed neatly between the entries 'The Most Important Thing to Feel is That you are Loved' and 'Zeke If You do not Remember to Pay that Tax Bill on or Before Apr. 23 you are Going to be in Some Serious Shit.' All I can say is I'm glad my brain came in useful at least once this week. Downstairs, I creep slowly across the front room, trying to place my feet softly on as many carpeted areas as possible. I hear something move upstairs, and I freeze, listening so carefully I can hear my own blood circulation in my ears. Just the water pipes? Probably. I tip-toe further towards the front door, pausing to let my eyes adjust to the darkness so that I don't have to fumble to find the latch when I reach it. I get the front door open and pull it carefully towards me, but notice a loud squeak about the hinges and stop. There's only one thing to do when trying to sneak through an insurmountably squeaky door - open it hard and fast, since a speedy squeak is better than a prolonged one. I do that, pause to make sure it hasn't woken anyone, then steal into the night. I walk away from the house tentatively at first, but quickly build up speed to a run; Midgar's smoggy evening air rushing past my ears as I end up sprinting away from the house, looking over my shoulder at it and elated that I'm finally away from that woman in pink.

Oh. Hi Erm. I swear to God I was going to call you in the morning.