Eeek. It's been a while since I dropped in with our heroes in the struggle for Midgar. Thing is, getting through those last couple of bosses by the skin of my teeth shook me up to such an extent it had a severe and clinical effect on my nerves. I ended up careening into a black hole of fear and confusion; in the end, the only thing that could bring me out of it was a coping mechanism I use whenever something upsets me.
So I went on another one of my month-long comfort binges comprising of gin, Sara Lee gateaux and movies starring Mariah Carey. However, there are only so many times a man can watch Monster-in-Law and they tell me there's only so much gin I can drink (apparently), so let's get back to Final Fantasy VII.
If you're just joining us or have a hard time following simple narratives, let's sum up on the plot of FF7 so far:
A dude with a questionable haircut (Cloud Strife) joins as a bunch of freedom fighters (AVALANCHE) on a freelance basis to blow up a big metaphor for something. It's important to note from the off that Cloud does not care about anyone or anything.
The group want to destroy all of the Mako reactors in the city as they're a draining the energy of the planet, which in turn Cloud doesn't care.
The leader of AVALANCE (Barret Wallace) would like Cloud to stay on with the group and help out further with their mission. Hey, guess what? Doesn't care.
We were then introduced to Tifa Lockhart, who I like to call Hotty McHotterson, a lady who Cloud grew up with as a kid but it seemed they had a lot of time apart just prior to the game starting. She implores him to help out with the mission. As is relentlessly shoved down our throats, Cloud does not care. Nah, just kidding - Cloud suddenly starts to care as soon as Tifa shows a vested interest! She's hot.
Another character enters the fray, Annoying McAnnoyingson, which creates charactor tension. I keep my eye on her.
McAnnoyingson gets kidnapped by Evil Megacorp™ who believes her unique ancestry makes her the only one who can lead them to the Promised Land. In reality, she's probably just some hippy who believes homeopathy works and everyone inexplicably buys into it.
Even more inexplicable is that we risk our lives to spring her. While doing so, some bad dude called Sephiroth - who everyone thought was dead -crops up and kills the head honcho of Evil Megacorp™, giving everyone the willies. Nobody knows what he's up to or where he has gone, but we all agree he's bad news.
We get into a ruckus with the President's son, Rufus, then we bust out of Midgar for the first time to go on the hunt for Sephiroth. Not sure what the motive is since we all recognize he's a total badass and is likely to ruin our day if we do find him.
And that's that. Oh, and at one point Cloud did a bit of cross-dressing. Let's move swiftly on.
In order to leave the Shinra HQ and get outta town, the guys jump on board a working van which has been absent-mindedly left in the foyer. Being cooler than a mouthwash popsicle, Cloud hops on a motorcycle instead, catching an admiring glance from Tifa as he revs past - yeah, I clocked you checking me out, you little minx.
They say Cloud's the sword guy in the party, but he hasn't got these awesome guns on display for nuthin'.
I'll spare you the annoying mini-game in which we have to attack Shinra soldiers from the bike while protecting the van. Amusingly, it nearly killed me as my renderer made the game run forty-thousand times faster than it should have done, and in lieu of knowing what the random controls were, I just repeatedly faceplanted the keyboard. It got me through however, so don't knock that tactic 'til you try it.
At the end of the road, we're approached by this chap who'd like a little conversation. He mainly wants to chat about setting me on fire.
Boss #8: Motor Ball, HP 2600
In theory this is the hardest boss to date (as always), and I remember him being pretty savage from previous games, but he strikes me as surprisingly easy today. Lightning attacks from me take their toll, and his fire attacks aren't much in comparison. I thought he had some kind of devastating flamethrower? Was that it?
Oh crikey, I spoke to soon. He's just set the entire city of Midgar on fire:
That's probably going to hurt in the morning.
Besides the flame deluge - which knocked around 300 HP off everyone (including people not even in the fight) - the rest of the battle goes without too much trouble. I simply keep throwing magic and limit break attacks at him while keeping an eye on my health, which I never let get to concerning levels. Balls to you, Motor Ball.
So this is it. The city limits.
The party is ready to leave these training grounds. The stage is yet.
It's time to head out into the big, wide world!
BARRET I JUST SAID IT'S TIME TO HEAD OUT INTO THE BIG WIDE WORLD.
Jesus.
More FFVII very soon. Going to keep things shorter yet more regular while I'm getting back into the swing of things following my break - just like Valve do it with Half Life. In the mean time, like and share if you're excited to be leaving Midgar!
