You could call the end of the previous post a 'cliffhanger', but that phrase suggests that I had some kind of grip on the precipice edge, even if it was only a tenuous one.

Unfortunately, I'm already waving my status as a seasoned cliffhanger goodbye as I sail past it at terminal velocity. Enjoy the next few short sentences as it'll probably be all this post consists of, depending on whether or not a man can closely inspect the floor texture at 120mph and survive.

The mine cart tumbles away from me and begins sailing upwards, no doubt looking forward to a life-long relationship with the bathtub in the clouds. I, on the other hand, plummet downwards.

That's one hell of a drop. How the hell am I going to get out of this crazy caper? I wonder if I can turn the Remover gun on myself and extricate my fleshy body out of this nightmare? Nope.

At least if I'm going to become a greasy smear on the floor, it'll be amongst a sea of balloons spelling out my own name. Really, this whole situation is a forensic pathologist's dream.

This is the last frame of action on the tape before my thigh bones end up somewhere around my ears. And on that lovely visual, thanks for reading. You guys are awesome.

*THUD*

Huh? What the hell just happened to me? Is it just coincidence that heaven in Garry's Mod looks identical to the balloon-filled sandbox level I created over the last two posts?

Oh, I see. It turns out a fall from the height of Mt. Kilimanjaro only results in a sprained ankle in this game. Well, that's fortunate. I didn't want the blog to end that way, anyway - it would have been pretty stupid. Let's continue on and see if we can find an even more idiotic way to die. I summon a medic to fix my poorly foot then put his medical skills to the test by blowing his head off. He doesn't have the wherewithal or training to patch himself up. I then scope out the interior of the buildings, since I've not really explored this map properly yet. The upper stories of the high-rise buildings can only be accessed by flying, a skill I've half-mastered during the whole floating mine cart debacle. There's nothing much in them besides an empty square room and a sniper perch, but the basement levels have a far more interesting set-up for staging battles. Poking around one room in particular, I find a... .... woah WOAH WOAH WHAT THE F...

Sweet baby Freeman, it's just a mirror. That scared the living daylights out of me.

Anyway, as I was saying, this basement level seems like a pretty decent place to have a grand ruckus. I spawn a truck load of zombies - a good twenty or so - and we have a whole heap of fun. But with their limited speed and close range attacks, even they don't pose much of a threat in such a giant space when I'm armed with every weapon under the sun (as well as the ability to spawn bathtubs). It's time to up the ante. The ante... lion, perhaps. Yeah, I summon an ant-lion. Screw it. I summon two.

I put them in the lower area of the biggest basement room, which they struggle to get out of. The one on the left seems oblivious to everything, while the one on the right is raging harder than a sack full of angry cats. She gets caught on the lip of that stairwell though and can't quite pathfind her way around it, so I fire a couple of rounds into her face just to register my displeasure. Eeek, that was close. I cautiously back away as it looks like she's about to get a clear run at me, since she'll really ruin my day if we suddenly end up at kissing distance. As it is, she recedes back behind the stair wall. I wonder if I'll have better luck with the one on the left. I arm a crossbow and put an arrow in her butt.

Yeah, that woke her up.

She lets out a ferocious roar and barrels towards the stairs at full pelt. I turn to run from the room and into the tight network of corridors behind us, but instantly see the error of my ways - turns out the door is a lot further away than I thought it was gonna be. I race towards it with the antlion quickly catching up behind me. I can practically feel its breath on my neck just as I reach the doorway and brace for impact. She crashes into me with the force of a freight train right before I make it to safety, hurtling me through the door and taking off 20 health in the process. Arrrrghh. Picking myself up, I scrabble into the corridor and run. I can't hear her behind me, so I chance a quick look back. Hmmmm. Turns out that taking the fight into the cramped, dark hallway isn't going to win me the gold in the Half-Life Strategist olympics.

I sprint outside before she can get a second blow on me. Running hell for leather into the balloon field, I flail around wildly trying to decide whether to stay out in the open or set up shop in one of the surrounding bunkers. I can't remember whether or not it's easy to go matador-style on an antlion while in an open space, and boxing myself into one of the ancillary rooms might be an irrevocably dumb thing to do if her pathfinding skills are better than her friend's. *

*I take a tried-and-proven approach: when in doubt, just carry on flailing. This aimless zig-zagging leads me to a hangar building on top of the hill, which is probably the best of both world since it's somewhat sheltered but has exits on all sides. But the question is: where the hell is she? I didn't dare look back again as I ran, but I know she followed me outside. I'm not convinced she followed me up the hill though, and I can't hear her shuffling around. I walk to the edge of the hangar to take a peek...

WHAT??? YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE A CHARGING BEHEMOTH, NOT A GODDAMN NINJA! From here, things get very Benny Hill. I leave through the back of the hangar and find some small holes in the roof of the building below, which I dive down. The good news is that Mrs. Lion can't fit through the hole, but the bad news is that I take 10 damage in the fall. She drops off the side of the building and I run back up the hill, using the continual height difference to get some shots in. This cycle goes on for some time before I realize I have access to all the weapons under the sun (and bathtubs) - sadly I used up all my rockets fighting zombies earlier, but I still have grenades... ... I get up on top of the bunker again, inching forward to drop a frag grenade through the ceiling and into the room in which I believe the antlion is in. Except it isn't in the room at all. It's already it most of the way around the building and coming up from the rear. Watching the video back, you can see a very brief glimpse of the antlion's back as it stealthily runs along the side of the building and up the hill:

It takes an eagle eye to spot it, and I was so obsessed with dropping explosives down the ceiling vents ahead of me that I totally missed it at the time. The first I hear of the antlion's surprise attack is when it lets out an inhuman roar from approximately 30cm from the back of my head. I panic, drop the grenade at my feet, take a hit from the antlion and fall off the roof, all at the same time. Heh. Remember that time I was stuck in the airborne mine cart, hanging on for dear life? Those were happier times.