“Do you think the company needs a Twitter account?”

Freelance: “Oh, absolutely! Especially in this day and age. In fact, I’m surprised you’ve survived without one – I’ll be happy to set one up and maintain it for you. About £500 a month should cover it.

Salaried: “Not really. That sounds like it’d be a lot of effort for me to maintain for very little return. I wouldn’t bother, to be honest.”

“I’ve got some urgent amends on that press release and Sharon’s out of the office…”

Freelance: (sighs) “Fine, pass it here.”

Salaried: (looking at Twitter) “I’m on lunch.”

“Going anywhere nice this year?”

Freelance: “I have one day off planned on 27th September 2017 which I’ll probably have to cancel because Sharon will invariably be out of the office and you’ll need me to write an urgent press release.”

Salaried: “Yes! Yes, I am in fact. I’m going to the sub-Malaysian archipeleago of South Whereverthefuckiwant for 25 days, because it says on this piece of paper that you’ve agreed to pay me for the duration.”

“Would you mind going to London for a few days to supervise this project?”

Freelance: “I guess. Let me give you this £200 in cash now, because it’ll save time for later when I figure out that footing my own expenses and calculating the tax results in me having lost three days and ended up at a monetary loss for the job.

Salaried: “You can pay my minibar tab as well.”

“Can you do a bit of work for us this weekend?”

Freelance: “Yes.”

Salaried: “No.”